Category Archives: Relationships

Three Steps to Clean-up the Relationships in Your Life

We care about how we feel and act. And most of us spend time learning to consciously make decisions, gain control of our emotions, and live a fuller, more present life. We focus on raising our “vibration”. On how we are being as much as what we are doing.  

How we do this varies by individual. We may read motivating books, attend seminars or talks that inspire and uplift us, exercise, take classes, be in nature…. In general, we strive to better ourselves consistently. If not in our actions in our words and intentions.

Raising your vibration and enjoying the results of faster and easier manifesting, experiencing more joy, peace, and better health takes time, focus and dedication.

And one person can ruin all that hard work in a heartbeat!
Because of this, it only makes sense that we be extremely vigilant about who we allow in our life.

Because all it takes is one snide remark or mean comment from someone to yank your high spirits into the gutter. Particularly if someone close to you does the jab.

This week’s Fresh Tracks podcast guest, Jason Lauritsen, talks to us about the power in creating intentional relationships. The concept of choosing your relationships applies to ALL areas of our lives.

Want to be more loving? Ensure the people you spend the most time with also honor that quality. In my book, Trust Your Next Step: Creating the Confidence to Cut Fresh Tracks, there is an entire chapter dedicated to consciously choosing healthy and supportive relationships in all areas of your life. Including your family, friends, and work acquaintances.

There are three aspects of all your relationships you can examine right now that will lead to an immediate and complete shift in your life:

  1. In what area of your life are you struggling the most? Who do you have in your circle of influence, your immediate space, that does that well? If you don’t have anyone – start looking.
  2. Who in your life is an energy suck? They drain your energy rather than give (you know exactly who this is!). How much time do you permit them and why are they still in your life?
  3. Honestly examine your close friends. Have you had the same group of friends forever? Since high school or college? Do they know YOU as you were, not as you are? Conversely, who is your newest friend that has the (lifestyle, business, health, relationships) that you desire? Is it time to intentionally find a community that stretches you to your new self?

Who you surround yourself with effects how you are at an incredibly fundamental level. It matters. Choose consciously, not by default. 

Having a difficult time seeing the truth for yourself? A Spiritual Coaching Session with Kelly will do just that for you. Schedule one here now

What Really Happens When You Betray Yourself?

The biggest hurt I’ve experienced in my life was a betrayal by someone close to me. Like all betrayals, it caught me off guard and the truth is I didn’t recognize that it was a betrayal when it happened. It wasn’t an obvious betrayal such as someone cheating on me or someone close unexpectedly stealing money. But it was a betrayal none the less. 

It took time to heal from that betrayal. To learn what it meant to me and why it happened in the first place. Our Fresh Tracks podcast guest, Debi Silber, speaks to us about healing from betrayal. She shares the five stages of healing from every betrayal as well as why it’s important to make meaning from the event in order to move forward. 

Knowing how painful betrayal is and how it shatters our trust in such a powerful way, I thought it would be useful to investigate what it means to betray yourself. 

Let’s take a look at some of the ways we betray our self:

  • Making decisions because we fear the disapproval of others.
  • Hiding who we are and trying to be who we think we should be to fit in.
  • Thinking that people won’t love us if they know who we really are.
  • Not voicing our opinion because we don’t want to rock the boat.
  • Living our life in a way others want us to instead of how we choose to.
  • Staying in a job we hate just to pay the bills, when we know there is something better for us.
  • Not being our self because of someone else’s opinion.
  • Being untrue or dishonest with our self.

What quickly happens is you don’t trust yourself to keep your word or that you will follow through with things. Which leads to disliking yourself and not living an authentic life. You struggle to create with intention and purpose. 

Think you may have fallen into the self-betrayal trap? Here are a few steps you can take to stop this sabotaging pattern…

  • Acknowledge the different ways you betray yourself.
  • Take responsibility for your choices.
  • Commit to honoring and loving yourself.

Trusting ourselves is one of the most important ways we create and manifest our lives with intention. Self-love is the opposite of self-betrayal. Accepting who we are and unconditionally loving where we’ve been is the path to embodying that we are whole and complete human beings, allowing us to add meaning and purpose in the world.

Having a difficult time seeing the truth for yourself? A Spiritual Coaching Session with Kelly will do just that for you. Schedule one here now

Book Launch Lessons from a First-Timer

After much waiting the book, Trust Your Next Step, has finally launched and is on the bookshelves. It has been a whirlwind month and I finally feel I have a moment to breathe. The support and encouragement from my friends and community has been overwhelming – I truly feel the love and it was unexpected.

For much of the last 17 years I have built and run my business largely online. Marketing the book has been different in a few ways and I’d like to share a few tidbits with you.

  1. Amazon is a different beast. As an author they have been incredibly easy to work with and helpful as I learn the ropes. However, unlike online sales through my website, I don’t know how many books I’ve sold until the publisher sends my royalty check in October!

  2. Making friends with book buyers at local bookstores is fun. An exercise in who do I know that can introduce me to who I want to know.

  3. Big differences in being a “local” author and self-publishing vs working with a publisher. Definitely are advantages and disadvantages to both. I choose to play with the big boys and not be a local author. So far that has not always worked in my favor at local bookstores.

  4. I now know a lot more about negotiating with publishers and will do some things differently next time. Who knows a literary agent?

  5. There is a world of ‘authors’, and there are folks who write books to grow their business and use their books as business cards. Not all of these books are well written, yet the purpose and the intention of the book is clear, it’s to support an overall structure and scalability of a business. Which am I and how do I show up has been a question I’m asking myself.

A month has passed and I’ve already done several things I will do differently next time. I won’t call them mistakes, just lessons I’ve learned about myself, what I want, and how I choose to show up and serve others in the world.

Introspection

As I write this I feel incredibly introspective as I mull where I stand and how I serve others. How big am I playing? Am I being true to myself? Could I, should I, have been more vulnerable in the book? How far am I going to push myself on this next book? Yes, I have started the next book – which takes chapter five, “The Stuff You’ve Got to Work With”, to a much deeper level.

I did my first book reading at a church. Which awes me. A few short years ago I not only didn’t go to church, but I had a hard time believing in God and struggled with organized religion. I had such a charge around all of it – of course I should have known all that “charge” was there for a reason. Exploring my truths about religion vs spirituality has been a big part of my journey the last six years. I now see that where I squirm the most is where the most reward is. Perhaps where I am supposed to be…

With that said, where are you squirming the most? Where are you staying within the boundaries set by others? Where are you not seeing the opportunity that most certainly surrounds you? Why are you not trusting yourself?

www.TrustYourNextStep.com

What to do When People Don’t Listen to You

There is nothing ruder and more frustrating than speaking to someone and they clearly aren’t listening to you. While the fact that they aren’t listening says more about them you, if you notice a pattern of people not listening when you speak it may be worthwhile to check-in to your own speaking habits.

According to an article in PR Daily, less than two percent of all people have had formal education on how to listen. Odds are there are a Lot of people not truly listening! But you can’t do much about other people’s listening skills.

Good communication begins and ends with you, as you are the only one you can control. Regardless if you are speaking or listening you want to feel good about how you handled your end of things and most importantly that you kept to your values and goals in the conversation.

The truth is if you feel people frequently aren’t listening to you you can feel disrespected, misunderstood, frustrated, embarrassed and your self-esteem can even plummet.

If you find when you speak people drift away and don’t listen, and again this is more than one person — you see a pattern here, follow these communication guidelines and see if changing your speaking style is in order.

When you speak are you:

  • Brief
  • Positive
  • Specific
  • Honest
  • Authentic
  • Coming from a place of love

If your speaking style meets this criteria for the most part, trying to understand the other person’s lack of engagement can be another route to take. Arrogance, pride, defensiveness, boredom and not wanting to be wrong are just a few reasons people tune-out.

Listening is, in fact, hard work and many people don’t realize they aren’t good listeners. As the speaker, your job is to be sure you are communicating as clearly as possible and evaluate if there is a different/better way to get your point across.

Struggling with listening or being heard? Reach out for a complimentary consultation with Kelly now!

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Are Your Relationships Unconsciously Affecting Your Business?

Most of us spend thousands of hours working on ourselves and striving for more. We have a vision and are going all out for it! We invest in our personal growth and development. We hire coaches. We may even do yoga or change our diet or exercise to put ourselves in a different space. We read books and attend training’s in order to discover what our next steps are to achieving happiness and success.

We strive to hone our skills and strengthen our energy, and yet it doesn’t stick. We continue to struggle to achieve our goals, which seem to be right there and then we lose it! The goals we KNOW are in alignment with our purpose and passion and that are rightfully ours are always a step or two away.

One often overlooked area that negates all the work we do is the people we surround ourselves with.

relationship picWhen you think about your relationships what might first come to mind is your partner, children and immediate family. And there is absolutely no doubt these people play an integral role in where you are today. Books have been written on the subject and the self-healing involved in examining these relationships is something I believe all of us should examine on the roadway to conscious living. They are in our lives from a young age for a reason!

However, beyond that, in order to maintain the higher energy of the work we do – to set a goal, achieve it, and keep it so we embody that new space of being – we need to take a look at ALL of our relationships and make conscious choices about who we let into our space.

Your friends are a great example. It can be wonderful having lifelong friends, friends that you’ve known since childhood. There is a familiarity, a security and a comfort in spending time with them. But odds are the Kelly that met them 20 years ago is not the same Kelly that you are today – particularly if you are consciously involved in personal growth and development.

I encourage you to take time now to evaluate if these friends know you as you were, or as you are now. How do you feel after you spend time with them?

The next place to take a look is your business friends – you have some, right? This is specifically a different role than your personal friends. Your business friends should be consciously hand-chosen and ideally be in a place you want to go. Pay attention to your conversations and how they view business and life.

Do you find yourself chatting it up with your business friends and it’s the same conversation you’ve always had? Do you find you are spending your time giving advice rather than getting it?

Your business friends should stretch you. What were the last 3 books or resources recommended to you? If you find you’ve outgrown or become stagnant with your business friends it’s time to consciously up-level.

Protecting and controlling your energy is vital to your growth and success – and yes, that means guarding who you allow to enter your space.

It’s not always easy, but as you grow it’s normal and healthy that the people you surround yourself with change too.

It’s up to you to make conscious choices on who you permit in your space and to go out with intention and find ones that push you to grow.

Listen to the Fresh Tracks with Kelly Robbins podcast and get more in-depth training on how relationships are affecting you here.

 

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